hopes n dream...

i miss him so much..................................................................................

what should i do.. he dont even want to know it.. if he could just open a lil bit of his heart n notice me..he would know that he is n always be the i love.. y.. he will not return here anymore.. he doesnt want to... we can never meet again.....

will we ever meet again??

huiii~ 4 years have passed by since he left for somewhere far far away. Felt like it was just yesterday when we said goodbye to each other. Recently we have been fought a little(juz a lil^^). However, I have never hit him anymore even in the facebook. I am a lil bit sad but what can I do.. I dont want him to be depressed because of me.. It is very clear to me that he is not and will not fall in love with me even a tiny bit of it. He will not.. But.. ottokae~ I miss him but he wont contact me even he is in hometown currently. I always wonder if we will ever be able to see each other again. I wonder if he..too..miss me like I do. Im still hoping that he will come back here. but still... It will only be my sweetest dream.. What should I do.... Im in the last semester of my study and cant wait to grad!hihi.. but currently something is missing inside of me. Its like a part of is not here. Maybe I just bored. Today my costing lecturer asked me of my ambition. I just answered I wanna have a job with highest possible salary. Thus, she called me "money eyes"..huk3 Ironically, it is not my real ambition. How could I tell the whole class that my ambition is to happily married and live with my true love? I will be teased for the whole semester for sure. Nahh~ It doesnt matter anyway whether people know or not about my dream. My true love...who is he? I will become more and more beautiful lady to make him likes me.I will....

Day after day...

I work... I apply for universities.. But it seems like i dont have a life anymore. Ahmet has moved to somewhere far from here. Even how many times I said I miss him I still dont get to see him anymore.. Will we ever meet again??? Hmm.. I heard that he has a girlfriend there and she was pretty and slim.Ahh..I just had to give up I think.. Thus, I start to find another guy and I befriend with a guy from Sabah, Bus. Well, he was so kind and funny. Event hough he not that handsome and cool, he was a non-smoker, kind and generous to me. Thats why I accept his proposal to be his girlfriend. Bus always care about me and forgive me for every mistake I did. But it was only for a brief. After ayear, he started to change a bit by bit. He started to be a bad-tempered person and always want to win in everytime we fight. I was wondered if I had made a big mistakes.In the end of the year, I got accepted in a university in Accountancy course. I dont know what accountancy is but my mom was really happy and thats made want to try it. After awhile there, I was quite happy, even though I dont really have a bestfriend there, all of my classmate and one particular senior is very nice to me. Im not easy to get close with other people especially the ones that not have same interest as me.In the first year, I have a roomate which is a freshman too, named Izah. With her, we got quite close in the beginning but a dispute rose between us in the end of the first sem that made us strangers. Well, for the first semester I awarded with Dean List title for a GPA of 3.53. Im so happy and attended the first and the last DL dinner in my 3 years at that university. In the second semester, I have befriended with a senior named Fara. she was fun ans we have kinda same interest(actually she taught me about this!), One Piece and movies.. One Piece is an anime/manga about a pirate named Monkey D. Luffy with all of his 8 nakamas lead various of adventures. That anime was the best of all!!! Fara also taught me about movies and lots of movies. To be her roomate for that second semester was the thing I very grateful because it had become a starting point where I had so much fun in university life.But sadly, in that second sem my CGPA has decrease to 3.23. It was so and my fault for not studying for exams. But ots okay though as long as I have fun.

Unwanted separation...

People... friends.. they will not stay together forever.. including us too.. After grad from high school, we seldom meet each other.. We dont hangout together coz everybody was so busy preparing themselves for the future. Fiez was helping her mom, Tash was busy n unreachable. Sah was busy with her stpm.. Me too had entered the stpm but i quit coz too much pressure. Im not a person who like to study thus i cant keep up with such pressure. Other classmates got into various matriculation and university. I got into matrix but i did not go because the registration date was already closed by the time i received the notice. I got into several Us but i dont like it bcoz some in Terengganu, some are private Us which are very expensive and some are offered the course that i dont want. By that time, i dont know what course i wanna take or which U wanna go.I just enjoy every moment bcoz i still can see Ahmet at least once in a week. However, one day, he told me he is going to move to somewhere that very2 far away. even I never been there before.. Though he still owe me a punch, he moved there, and further his study there. I dont know what to think.. just.. Will I ever going to meet him again someday?? I always known that we cant stay together forever. Everybody has go on their own path to find a meaning in their own life. To experience bittersweet of life and learn how to appreciate every moment. I was just so sad.. Maybe we will gather again someday..like d old days.. Finally, I accepted the offer from a local U which is within my state and just about 4 hours from my home. I cant separate from my family after all.. I hope I can taste a life when I got into there~^^

Fight in honeymoon n final yeaR..

Err.. The term honeymoon is not after marriage kind of honeymoon. It means form4, the year after PMR and before SPM. It has been called honeymoon year coz we have no standard exam that year. Thus we dont have to study extremely hard, they say.hihi~ In form 4, I was in the same class as him. The boy that really2 cool~ At first we are okay, i dont really remember how we end up fighting. Because in form 3 he treated me so well that everyone thought we are couple and created a gossip to the entire school. I dont really care about things like that because I know the truth. However, after 2 or 3 months in form 4 class, we seems like complete stranger to each other. I dont really know why but we dont talked or even smile. I dont get it at all but again, I dont really care though because I done nothing wrong. One day, during computer lab session, we go to the lab and learning how to use computer even though we play more. Our classmate, found something in one of the PCs that sounded like I love the boy. It was so childish and I just said it wasn't me. since then, he completely hate me and treated me super duper harshly. At that time I dont have a clue why thus I just ignored it. Hmm.. Frankly, I was so sad that we end up like that. It is ok if he dont like me but why must he treated me like that? And I determined to forget him and find a new crush. I hooked up with a guy outside of the school but it didn't last long. That guy wasn't sincerely like me and Im not stupid to cant figure something like that. thus, in the exam week, I told the guy to stop seeing me because I need to study for the exam. It was a complete made up excuse. I never studied for any exam or test during school except for upsr, pmr n spm. Nonetheless I still scored most of my subjects..hihi A year seems to goes by so fast. After 2 months of school holiday, The fifth year has started. My form 5 and final year in the school. I was happy mostly in this year except that boy has ruined a lil bit of the sweet memories.During that year, I was chosen as a librarian president, I participated in bowling contest and my class bond has become stronger than ever. I was reaaallllly2 happy that year. I was in the science stream class that only has 17 students. Because of that, we become more friendly towards each other and being like a family. Of course that boy and I still in the same class but I dont care about him anymore. As long as my other friends happy and its all good, I dont really care about those unhappy things. But still, there have been a lot of fights during that year. Firstly, my bestfriend, Fiez(nickname) quarrelled with Tarm because of.. i dont remember but it was only small matter for sure. Next, the snobbish and im-so-poise-thus-i-know-a-lot-more-religious-things-than-anybody prefect president, Shoe. He was so full of himself just because he was prefect president and poise looking. I never never ever acknowledge him even once as a prefect because he was stupid and dumber than me besides he was dark and totally not cool. For me, a prefect head must be a boy with cool attitude, heavenly handsome, and the most clever student in the school. Okay, back in the story, this Shoe uy has a physical fight with Bar, the most bad-tempered boy in the school. Bar has stolen a sample class photo of his ex's class but did not admit it at first. But Shoe yelled and annoyingly scold Bar to return the pic. Everybody has got out of the class except me. To see Bar's fury...to see they fighting..was really a nightmare for me. It was really2 scary that I was so shocked and cried. After that, I was afraid to talk to both of them. It was sure the thing I will never want to experience again in my whole life. And the last fight..is was between me and the boy, Ahmet. I will never forget that incident. That morning.. our homeroom teacher, Ms. Ella enter the class with our academic report file. Seems like the result has released, I think. I was excited to know whether my result is better than the previous one or not. Ahmet was ordered to give out the report files. First was his file and then mine and others. He threw my report file on the floor and shamelessly made fun about it. I was shocked and furious. I stand up and yelled at him why he do this to me. I dont made fun of him why he always treated me bad. I was cried and totally out of my mind. I really2 want to hit him in the face but I couldn't bring myself to. He was my crush after all. So I just go back to my seat and cried and cried and cried. He just remain silent in his seat and stared the table. At that time, I was really100 hate him that dont want to see his face anymore. After that, I never looked at him. I dont even want to went into him even if it was accidentally. That things happens for months. One day, he was chat with Fiez, Tash and Ann. I sat alone on a table that far from them. I dont want to join them. Then, Fiez, Tash and Ann come to my seat and told me that Ahmet wanted to apologized to me. I said just let it go because I dont care about it. They said that Ahmet act like that because of the incident in the computer lab last year. I just couldnt care less why he treated me that way. Finally, he came to me and apologize for his wrong. He was my first love after all. Thus, I forgave him and things have been better since then.. Me and my classmate have fun everyday and become closer and closer. Mahh~ what Ms. Rasthy said was totally true. If u really want to enjoy a freedom, the school was the best of all. I really grateful that I have splendid friends during my highschool. In the last day of school, after we had last paper, we have celebrate the grads with cokes and snaps and uniform-autograph. That joyful scene was still clear in my memory. I really2 grateful to have been in that school.. After we finished return our text book, I go to the class to see it for the last time. And then Armet came to search for his missing watch which was hidden by me(hihi~) We was so awkward coz we was alone.. I really hope that moment will stop and.. it was really hurt to know that we might not see each other anymore..hihi~ But what to do.. Since i know we really gonna walk our own path after that.....